It’s been almost three days

Its been almost three days, and you still haven’t texted me. And I can’t decide if im better off or stupid. When i blocked your number, i knew you could never say anything that would make this better. We just weren’t meant to be, maybe at first but we’ve both changed, our souls to not align the same anymore. But that doesn’t mean i don’t miss you, or that i don’t care about you. I still want better for you, a happier life without hurting yourself all over again. I want you to be happy, i just wish it wasn’t by completely dropping me. I know i made the move, but you sealed it. And im still trying to figure out why that hurts so much. These past few days, i’ve been happier than i have been in a while, but also sad. And i realized that being with you brings anger and resentment and those are two things i can’t change enough to fearlessly love you. I cant forgive you for all that you’ve done for me and i know you cant forgive me for all that ive done to you. But you’re my first love, and that’ll never change. Maybe in seven years, well meet again and something in us will just come back to life. Or maybe ill go the rest of my life with you as just a memory. Either way, i just hope both of us end up happy. Because i cant stand feeling like i would jump off the mountain if given the chance. I can’t stand the lump in my throat when i put down the book and realize that i’m entirely alone. I can’t stand that you’re doing okay and my heart breaks everytime i wake up. It’s been almost three days of knowing i made the right decision but still wishing things were different.

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